Footnotes to a Former Life.

Hello to any readers out there,

Today I want to write about something a little different. It’s something that has been weighing on me for a while and might even be something some of you can relate to.

A few years ago, I came to a realization that was honestly a little hard to accept: two people I once considered close friends—let’s call them Eloise and Ella—aren’t really my friends anymore. I never thought I would say that. We had been part of each other’s lives for so many years that I genuinely believed our whole friend group would stay close forever.

I’ve known these people since kindergarten. I even know their whole family. But things started to change when I transferred to a different college and moved farther away. Naturally, I began seeing them less. At first it was understandable, we were all busy and living our own lives. We would still see each other occasionally, but over time those moments became fewer and fewer.

Eventually I started noticing something that bothered me: I was always the one reaching out.

I was the one making the effort to visit, to make plans, to check in. After a while, it started to feel one-sided. So one day I decided to stop for a bit. I thought maybe if I stayed quiet for a while, they would reach out first. Maybe they would check in just to see how I was doing.

Was that petty? I don’t really think so. I think I just wanted to see if the effort would ever go both ways.

But the call never came.

No texts.
No Instagram messages.
Nothing.

An entire year went by like that.

During that time, I would still hear from my best friend occasionally, let’s call her Millie, and that’s when I really started questioning things. If Millie could reach out every once in a while, why couldn’t the others? Were these people actually my friends, or were they just people who had once been part of my life?

Eventually I tried reaching out again here and there. I would invite them to things or suggest getting together. But they rarely wanted to travel to see me. The strange part was that they would come to my area for other things: shopping trips, errands, whatever—and I would never hear about it.

That’s when I started spiraling a bit.

I began asking myself the worst question: Am I the problem?
Did I offend them somehow? Did I do something wrong?

At one point I even asked them directly: “Why don’t you ever tell me when you’re in the area? We could grab coffee or lunch sometime.”

Their response was something along the lines of:
“Oh, we don’t really reach out to anyone. But yeah, maybe next time.”

Next time never came.

Sometimes when I talked to Millie, she would mention these friends in passing. She might say something like, “Oh, did Eloise tell you about this?” and I would laugh and say, “No, I haven’t talked to her in a long time.”

Millie would usually reply, “Oh, well she doesn’t really reach out to anyone. She barely reaches out to me.”

And every time she said that, I couldn’t help thinking quietly to myself: Well, at least you got one phone call. I didn’t get any.

Because of all this, I constantly find myself questioning what these friendships actually are. Part of me wonders if I should just cut ties completely. Another part of me wonders if I should simply fade into the background and stop trying so hard—only responding if they reach out.

But is that really friendship, or even a relationship? Waiting around for someone who never calls, texts, sends letters, or emails?

Interestingly, I recently learned that Eloise had a falling out with another friend over something similar. I only found out because I needed her address for the bridal shower invitation I was sending for Millie. Apparently that friendship also ended partly because of communication issues.

Her defense, from what I heard, was that communication is a two-way street.

And she’s right—it is. How ironic is that?

I don’t really know what the right answer is. I feel like I’ve been standing at the same crossroads for a long time, deciding whether to let these friendships quietly fade away or keep leaving the door open.

They seem perfectly fine with how things are.

I just wish, sometimes, they could understand where I’m coming from. As of late, I’ve started putting my energy into the relationships that actually want to be kept. Basically, I’ve just been “matching people’s energy“. What I discovered….my social circle has become a lot smaller than I thought. But honestly, I think I prefer it that way.

I do still care for them and also wish them a happy life, but perhaps our friendship has simply faded.

Sorry for the downer! Happy Wednesday!

11 days left until the quarter ends.

These are the footnotes to whatever comes next…

Footnotes to a Former Life.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/footnotestoaformerlife/